Being A Hurtful Hypocrite

hyp⋅o⋅crite /ˈhɪpəkrɪt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [hip-uh-krit] Show IPA –noun

1.	a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.

2.	a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, esp. one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

...Unfortunately...im one of those people. But unlike many hypocritical people at least I can admit that I am one. I honestly feel everyone is a hypocrite with some things or at some points in there life, but everyone has a different place on the Hypocritical Scale. Im trying to lower myself on that scale and be better about things, because ive realized that alot of things hurt when it happens to me yet I know I do or have done those things to others.
I was left tonight....so now im alone with nothing to do but write in my blog about pointless and meaningless things. I could go on complaining about how I was left for a party with people not known or complained about and most likely alot of drugs and alcohol....but whats the point on that. I know ive left him and other people for other things before. Which is why thats just one thing im a hypocrite about....though I don't think I ever was with him and planned on being with him then all of a sudden got invited to hang out or go to a party and just left him alone.....whatever....well 9PM and all ive done is cry for almost 2 hours and write, when I know theres other things I could be doing...I hate knowing I have things to do but have no motivation or energy to do them.

But on another note, ive been sick lately. A heavy cold or allergies, whatever. Either way I don't care for it much. Its gotten better, atm im dealing with fluid in my brain though. So I either can't hear out of one ear and its so bad to the point that my head starts to pound or every time I move my jaw I can hear the fluid moving, which is also annoying. My cough is mostly gone, as well as my soar throat and post nasel drip, so I don't really have to blow my nose as much. Hope fully within the next day or two ill be back to my normal self.

I fucking hate fluid in my ears....

This Thing

So....Ive realized, a little bit ago now, that ive developed this thing.

Without intention or noticing for who knows how long, after, ive been tightly clenching my jaw. Not really grinding my teeth or anything just clenching my jaw closed. Im not really sure when I started this, how long ive been doing it, or when I came to notice it but im pretty sure its not a good habit to get into :\

Im pretty certain it came to be from stress. But my question is...how would I go about stopping it. Since im not in school anymore and I don't have things such as homework and grades and whatnot to worry about then I shouldn't be as stressed, or stressed at all. I don't think I am but yet I still find myself doing it on occasion. And lock jaw...would not be good.



Bear wants to watch the Titanic with me.....is there something wrong with this picture?

A good idea from a good friend :)

So today I saw and hung out with some friends from my home(where I am now) And in the morning while sitting with my closest there was mention of her blog. Well I got to thinking and after reading some of her entry's I decided to make one.

Ive always loved to write, yet was terrible at keeping a journal/diary. I have millions of things that cloud up my head that I wish I could transfer somewhere safe. I take my lappy almost everywhere, and am always checking and/or on it. I go to collage 8 hours away from my family and friends( even though ive made new and amazing friends within my first year :3 ) so I carry alot of stress, anxiety, pain, heartsickness, and all around depression on my shoulders because of that reason alone. I often times get myself in trouble by saying things that I shouldn't, because it sits in my mind for quite sometime. It takes me at least an hour to get to sleep every night because I can't stop thinking.

I feel that hopefully this will help solve some of those problems. Thank you Violet :) <3